Pass the Test

Now thanks be to God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! This morning, I was fighting thoughts of ‘when will this ever end’ and even worse. Thoughts are not always your friends. I even have an mp3 player in one ear all night long, playing the preached word of faith. But the thoughts still come. One should speak to thoughts out loud, but if I speak, people come running. So I have been whispering but today whispering wasn’t enough. I was crying out inside, ‘this is all I can bear. You promised not to let me have more than I can bear. ‘
Then I tried to focus on Jesus and stop crying, because a stopped up nose makes it hard to breathe in the mask. I felt alone, separated. I knew that the Holy Spirit was in me and Jesus was moved with compassion for me right then, but I couldn’t connect. Suddenly, I felt like I totally understood the children of Israel from Egypt. They were so rebellious and unbelieving, but so was I. If the Lord told them to do something, they wouldn’t. If He told them not to, they did. How many times has He said to roll my cares on Him because He cares for me, and I carry them? Did you know just before He says that, He says to humble myself before the mighty hand of God? I discovered today (again) that it is prideful and rebellious to keep my cares. Exactly what the Israelites did, I was doing. He was not letting me have it, and He was providing a means for my escape, but I wasn’t taking the escape route. Oh, please Lord! I want to learn, I want to pass the test, not fail because I am too scared to let go. Let go of what?! What could I possibly hang onto that would be half as sure or reliable as the true living word of God?? I don’t get me. Physical stuff changes all the time. In just a few days, this whole world is going to pass away, so why do I trust my senses more than I trust the One who made it and me? It’s ridiculous and foolish. I have read that Kenneth Hagin used to laugh at the devil when he would bring symptoms. I have not yet remembered to laugh at him, but I will. The book of James says count it all joy when you encounter different temptations, knowing that the testing of your faith exercises your patience. So it is scriptural to laugh at him. And it will discourage him and encourage you. That would be passing a test, right?
I love your replies. I am also so blessed when you come by and say hi. Oh, a quick update… We needed four people to stay with me one night every other week, and two people have volunteered. Awesome! Thank you so much, Jamie and Terri. So keep praying. It would be either every other Monday or Tuesday. Thank you all so much for your help. You are huge blessings to us. I love you all.
healed by His stripes,
Nancy